Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Table for Uno

I've come to find that one of the things I love doing most by myself is dining.


I can order whatever I want without feeling like a wittle piggy or guilty for the cost of my slop.
I don't have to think of witty quips or engaging questions to fill a waiting silence.
I may eat as fast as my tummy tells me or as leisurely as my appetite pleases.

Spend the quiet moments reading the most recent book stuffed in my bag, or let out some therapeutic thoughts in the pages of my journal (which this is an excerpt from, btw)

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People seem to be nicer to me when they think I am lonely.

My friendly and attentive waiter not only presented me with a "love lolly" at the end of my meal tonight, but also gave me the most beautiful rose I've ever seen.

My smile could be seen from the white-haired bartender, who waves to me everyday as I pass by him on the way to my apartment.
Though I rarely go into his bar anymore (the tapas not his specialty), he makes it a point to acknowledge me, and give me the biggest grin that anyone could enjoy through the deafness of pane-glassed windows.

Being alone only gives one the shining opportunity to greet new faces in unfamiliar places. To have a mystic sensation that this space in time is all your own.

I'm grateful that being an only child for most of my life has given me the security to venture into the world with only my mind to reflect to. That wherever I am and whoever I'm with...I'm always home.

Strangers with smiles can fuel me for miles...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Cave.


my heart just stopped.


my heart just dropped.


Falling


fallin'


fallen


plop.


Faith is earned, not given.


Trust is owed, not paid.


Hope is lost, not forgotten.


Love is beauty stirred with pain.

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please world.
just leave me alone.

i am not home. i have no phone.

don't creep inside my gutted caves to scratch your marks.
its just a phase.

I will not be a waiting slave.
chained to a heart, left for days.

I can not be a friendly fool.
letting eyes tell mouth to drool.

Don't lead me here.
Push me away.

a lost, cold pup that can't help but stay.

I feel it now.
More and more.

Intense slide slicing core.

Its just my mind.
Only my mind.

Forcing us to pass the time.

Spin cycle.

Nothing is mine.


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I Bi Za Crazy, Hombre.

Some vids I shot during my lovely lil week in Ibiza (properly pronounced Ibeetha).

The locals are a friendly mix of nationalities, all the menus are in at least four different languages, and the beaches are more beautiful than your eyes can comprehend.



Though I came a month before the PARTY season began, I still managed to find my way into an unbelievable time my first night there.
I'm glad God blessed me with gonads (metaphorically speaking, of course).



I pimped the Euro ass. Three lads, and only one me.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Butterfly



When its grey outside,
and midday seems like dusk,
vibrant images settle in my lap,
floating
like fall leaves that have outlived their stay.
Comfort creeps softly, as she whispers windy hymns
welcoming a silent void to feel warm currents again.

Vivid pulses,
too transparent to grasp.
Brilliant butterfly,
heavenly body finding death too fast.
Can’t just stick me in your pocket, or stuff me in a safe, and lock it.
Only these memories, do you own,
and even with time
those fade.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Magical Mystery Tour


Even as I sat snugly in an aisle seat on the plane. Electronic translator at the ready in my hand. It still hadn't hit me.
Still couldn't let myself believe that I was going.

10 hours, two shitty meals, and two barely bearable movies later... I somehow arrived at Amsterdam airport.
Peculiar sensation as I recall walking these same hallways. I had stopped here 12 years earlier on a month-long trip to Sweden with my grand mama.
But then, I had no idea what kind of legal treasures lie outside those foreign-dusted walls.
Now knowledgeable but forced to delay my gratification for a Spanish destination, my eyes suddenly became perplexed by the delicate rain that slowly floated from the sky.

Could it be? Was it really?
Yes! It was snow!

Momentarily charming me with the belief that I could be on a magical journey.

When I arrived in Barcelona my only concerns were finding my luggage (which had been lost twice before) and finding my new French roommate, Lucie (who I feared spoke just as little English as I did French).
Lucky for me, we found each other with only a quick lapse of fear.
Unlucky for Lucie, I had bags that were heavier than Kirstie Alley without a diet. Not to mention, we had an hour of travel before we were to make it the final resting place.

Right about the time that my arm was about snap in half, a thickly accented voice behind me says,

"Where you goeen? We're ear."

In slow motion, I stare up at an intimidating door that looks like it came from a medieval dungeon. I was instantly overwhelmed with giddy excitement.
After painfully laughing my luggage up steep and narrow stairs, I let out a sound of exhaustion/amazement as I finally realized that these gothic-like quarters were going to be called "home".
The creepy-cozy two bedroom apartment sits on the second floor of a 100 year-old building. The interior features aging beams overhead that perfectly compliment Moroccan artifacts and incredibly comfy brown leather furniture, which seems like it came from a traveled great grandfather. Very lived in...my fave.
The long windows in the living room let in the warm street light as well as frame our own private show of the activities that play out down below.

At around 2am, I can start to hear all the young Spaniards trekking it down our humble, cobble street to the open doorways alive with spicy music in the rooms beneath us.
So strange that night life in Spain begins at the hour when ours (Cali) must screech to an end.
I'm just grateful that I have yet to understand Catalan (the native language), or else it would be jarring rather then comforting to try and sleep through the late night/early morning jokes and energetic laughter outside.

And still, its been unusually quiet in the city the last few days since I've arrived. The Easter holiday is like a long weekend of rest and relaxation for the inhabitants.
There are no stores open, and many restaurants are closed.

As I pass people by, I try to look into their eyes to get a sense of the energy that exists here. And funny enough, it reminds me of my Spanish grandparents...distant, and cold. Especially to unfamiliar faces.
But to be fair, I have yet to properly meet a local, so I may be jumping the gun a little (pow pow!)

With Barcelona under a "Sleeping Beauty" spell, the last two days my roomie and I have been holding up in the apartment, smoking bong loads between the never-ending cycle of tobacco-laced j's and discussing everything from reggae music to genocide to UFC fights to animal sex to traumatic experiences with family to reincarnation to racism to the homosexual acts of ancient civilizations to rolling methods to... you get the picture ;P
In other words, language has not been a barrier and we have yet to be lost in translation.

Tomorrow is a new day. And there is an entire cultural metropolis I haven't explored.
I know its Easter and I'm supposed to give a damn.
But fuck Mr. Bunny...
I can hardly wait to see this city alive!

A Blog is Born

Something has been growing inside of me

Its been kicking me...
Not letting me forget that it thrives.

Weeks turn into months, and feels like years without liberty

My body suffocating its spirit, wanting to protect purity from pain.
But still it grows with determination, pushing for its birth, unconcerned with the dangers that lurk just outside.

I can't hold it hostage any longer. Its long overdue that the world see its face.

Whether ugly or strange, sick or deranged...
This is what's inside.